LIFE LESSONS

When I write, I must say I write what’s in my heart.  Sometimes it is God inspired, while other times, it’s just life as I see it. In colour!

Life that has taught me to be strong despite everything that happens…

To smile in the midst of tears…

To laugh even when I’m hurting…

To encourage someone even when I am at my lowest…

To forgive even when it seems too hard a task…

To love even when my heart has been broken time and again…

To trust, even when people break it…

To believe, even when hope is nowhere around me…

To smile at the ones who hurt me like they did nothing…

Hold dear the ones who believe and stand by me…

Believe that I may be down but not out…

That I may be crushed but not broken…

That I can still get up, dust myself, and get going…

A life where I have to pray for those who betray me…

And above all, trust in God who has good plans for me!

You see, God doesn’t sleep nor slumber; HE is the Alpha and Omega,

Our Creator! He sees all things and nothing catches Him by surprise!

The fact that HE cares enough to know the number of hair on our heads,

To have our names on the palms of His Hands,

Is reason enough to lay at His feet always,

To cling to His hem tightly,

And find rest in Him.

Yes! Rest in Him!

Shalom

WHEN SUICIDAL THOUGHTS CHECK IN...

“I’m tired of living…”

“I know it won’t hurt you all…”

“If only God could take me now…”

“I don’t want to burden people anymore…”

“I can’t take this anymore…”

Those are some of the words that people who are suicidal tend to use. Words that can be taken lightly by many, and seriously by some. Then when the worst happens, we all wonder why and how we didn’t see this coming! Yet if you keenly look, you will realize that these people normally try to reach out. They seek attention just so that someone can notice them and stretch forth their hand to help them, which sadly isn’t always the case. That’s when the remarks start flooding in: Wish (s)he told us what was wrong; Wish we got more concerned; Wish we were there for them; Wish… and the list continues. Others will turn to the victim with their own remarks: How could (s)he do this to his/her own family?; (S)he was too selfish to care about those they left behind; Only cowards can end their lives…and so on.

All said and done, the loss of a loved one, no matter how they died, is always a painful moment to their loved ones. In John 11:35 Jesus wept. HE saw the mourners and felt their pain as well. The mourners even wondered where Jesus was as HE could have stopped the death of Lazarus. Child of God, take note that it didn’t start with you to wonder where God was when you lost your loved one.

Depression and low self esteem play a big role to those who commit suicide. When they feel like they amount to nothing, no one really cares and nothing seems to go their way, then the next thought is that they don’t deserve to live. Although this may not be the same case for all of them.

“In Loving Memory of Trish. It’s now 12yrs since you left us…”

This is what my loved ones would have been saying about me this year, but thanks be to God that it’s not the case. See, this writer had her moments too, when all she desired for was death. Yes. They say suicidal people are cowards but I doubt that. It takes a lot of courage to harm yourself and you can only do it if you are possessed by something you cannot control. That voice that tells you negative things, that ‘energy’ in you that makes you fear nothing and makes you numb to pain. No, I am not alive because I freaked out, but because of God’s Mercies, Grace and Love.

I was in my fourth year in high school and staying with a relative. Nothing made sense and so much was going on at that moment. Long story short, I saw death as my only solution and hence I marked the date on the calendar. The date I would end all this and have ‘peace’. Nothing mattered anymore, after all, I was helping everyone, so I thought. I became numb to emotions. To see that I sat down and started contemplating on the best way to kill myself, just tells you that I was so ready to act it out. I weighed the pros and cons of each and settled on throwing myself on the busy Entebbe road highway. I smiled to myself for having reached that decision, more like a pat on the back for thoroughly using my brains. I put the date some 2 weeks away, just so I could bid everyone farewell without even them realizing it. Every night I got more excited that the day was nearing for me to go ‘rest in peace’. Allow me to say, it’s not cowardice but maybe a shortcut from life’s challenges and battles.

On my ‘last night’ here on earth, I cried not because I got scared, no, but because my mum, my brothers who I am so close to and my sisters would be in pain. But then, I would still die later on in life, so why not die now and save myself the pain of seeing any of them go first? Why stay in this world that was so cruel yet there was a ‘peaceful’ place? Why?... I went to bed happy, knowing that was it! I would wake up, have breakfast, then take a stroll like I was just around and bam!! I would be referred to as ‘the late’ and life would go back to normal for everyone with time. That was my plan, but definitely not God’s plan.

That was the first night I had an encounter with HIS voice, the night HE revealed to me how HE wanted to use me, the night I got to know my purpose here on earth. I woke up a new person with no negative thought but hope to fulfill my purpose. So when I say it was by HIS Grace, Mercy and Love, I mean exactly that, because not all who plan to end their lives, live to tell or gets an encounter with God. I wasn’t even born again that time, I am not the best, not perfect but a work in progress, but HE rescued me.

Child of God, next time you read such words from someone, try and reach out, don’t take it as a joke or that that person is just seeking for mere attention. You might just rescue a life and give hope to a soul that has already given up on life.  To those who are at such a point in their lives, I besiege you to look at the cross of Calvary. Get someone you can talk to and involve yourself in different activities. Yes the devil will tell you that you are going to have peace, but that’s a lie. Murderers have no place in Heaven and it’s a false ‘peace’ that he is lying to you about so you can join him where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.  God still has your back, no matter the circumstances and will soon bring you out of them all.

 Let these words from Jesus to me bless you as well:

“I AM the One who gave you that life, and I AM the One who will take it away!”

Shalom.

THE GOLIATH'S AND JUDAS ISCARIOT'S: WHY WE NEED THEM

Had a talk with a close friend and told her how in this life we must have the “Goliaths” and the “Judas Iscariots” to push us to the next level. We casually spoke of the giants and the betrayers and that was it. Although, those words kept lingering on my mind for two consecutive days and I tried understanding the deeper meaning and understood this:

Goliath’s come in form of giants and they intimidate you: That top position you applied for but seems way out of your ‘’league’, that investment you are planning to jump into but requires a lot of money, that vision you have which your friends say is not attainable, that sickness that doctors have advised you to seek treatment outside the country because they can’t handle it, you name it! These are the times you literally hear the situation intimidate you to a point of seeing yourself as a grasshopper.

Numbers 13:33  And there we saw the giants, the sons of Anak, who come of the giants. And we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight.”

Though one thing with the “Goliaths” is that, they only intimidate you with their stature and words. So it becomes easier to destroy them as well using your Words! Your tongue has power! King David countered Goliath’s words by his own words and thus God fought on his behalf.

1 Sam 17:45-47 David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. ⁴⁶ This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. ⁴⁷ All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

After this, the little shepherd boy got his promotion and we all know he ended up as a King thanks to the Goliath. What if there was no Goliath to challenge David? Would David have attained that position? Don’t you think your “Goliath” is here to push you to your next level too? Are you aware of God’s promises over your life? Go ahead and speak to that Goliath using the Word of God!

Then we have the betrayers; The Judas Iscariots. These, you can’t destroy them, but they kill themselves in the quest to destroy you. You eat with them, laugh with them, share your stuff with them and they go ahead and betray you, forgetting that you already are aware of what they are doing.

Luke 22:21 But the hand of him who is going to betray me is with mine on the table.

Many are the times that the people who betray us are people we were so close to. People who knew so much about you but deep down, your achievements, progress, the new business or project, your ministry, marriage and even your social life made them jealous! They thrive on your downfall, problems, losses and misery forgetting that even if you fall, you can still rise up!

Micah 7:8 Rejoice not against me, O mine enemy: when I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD shall be a light unto me.

When you encounter the 'Judases', just go on your knees and let the Lord fight that battle. After all, after Jesus was betrayed, that’s when He was crucified, died, buried and rose again on the 3^rd day and is now seated at the right hand side of the Father. It needed a Judas for the crucifixion to happen the same way, it will take a Judas to take you to your next level.

Matt 27:4-5 “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”

⁵ So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.

Let not any situation put you down, but allow it to catapult you to your next level in Jesus name! You are victorious and about to step into your next level!

Shalom

CRIES OF THE HEART...

What do you do…

When that’s the person you keep thinking of?

When they are the song you sing in your heart?

And their presence means so much to you?

Do you just go ahead and tell them?

Or do you remain modest and let everything be?

What do you do…

When you know very well that it will hurt you to lose them?

When they seem so far yet so near but you can’t access them?

When all you desire is to be by their side for your life time?

Do you just go ahead and tell them?

Or do you remain modest and let everything be?

What do you do…

When you have to act like you have no feelings for them?

When with each passing day, your heart grows fond of them?

And your tongue just wants to express what’s in your heart?

Do you just go ahead and tell them?

Or do you remain modest and let everything be?

What if they are not the "One" God has purposed for you?
Will you still stand strong and remain friends?
Will you go against the will of God? I bet you wont!
But then, the matters of the heart...
The cries of the heart...
Are always hard to be explained.

What do you do? 

THE SINNERS FRIEND

My heart was in turmoil..

Dissappointments, being taken for granted, name it!

Yes I had let God down in one way or the other,

And I couldn't bring myself to stand before Him!

He sure is a merciful God,but sometimes it's not easy.

Praying becomes hard and the Bible becomes so complicated!

I was going through those moments,

Where you cover yourself in HIS blood and go to bed.

Sleep took over and here I was in a conference.

Then I saw HIM. Why wasn't anyone else seeing HIM?

I looked again, and this time,I fell flat to my face.

All I could do was call on HIS name and ask HIM to forgive me.

I felt so unworthy, so sinful and couldn't lift my head from the floor.

His Presence makes one feel so tiny, like a nobody.

And all of a sudden,all the burdens in my heart left,

Replaced by peace...HIS peace!

Then here I was in a youth fellowship,

Declaring loudly in the forest how Jesus is Lord.

Then I saw a Lion following us, but why wasn't anyone else seeing it?

I had peace as I looked at it,

And I declared, JESUS is the Lion of Judah.

I felt safe as we left that forest, for I could see the LION walking next to us.

HIS protection.

HE will never leave nor forsake us!

Back on the road, we the youth took selfies, oh yes we did!

Then we started to walk towards the cars but there was so much filth.

It was weird that no one cared, they walked on it despite the flies and all.

I stopped, and couldn't allow myself walk in such filth.

As I lifted up my leg to move, I was carried through to the other side!

Yes, HE didn't allow me walk in that filth.

And I woke up praising HIS name!

The Name of JESUS!

When I felt so unworthy, HE chose to show me I am worthy!

When I felt so sinful and unrighteous,

HE came and took my unrighteousness and sanctified me.

I don't have to take the route my peers are taking,

But allow HIM to order my steps.

He didn't allow me walk in filth, 

To let me know that walking in Holiness,

Is not by our might or power,

But by HIS Power and Grace if we just surrender to Him.

Did I deserve this encounter at night? No.

Was I walking so uprightly? No.

But did I desire to do so? Yes.

He knew what was in my heart even if I couldn't express it.

Faithful HE is to meet our hearts desires,

So let's desire and choose to live for HIM,

To have an intimate relationship with HIM,

And desire to go deeper in HIM.

Better a day in HIS courts, than a thousand else where.

Shalom.

THE DELIVERY ROOM

Life starts in the delivery room. That room where no one is really certain of the outcome. A place where pain is what echoes all round. Yet, its the same place that a mother will come out joyful. When carrying the pregnancy, a woman goes through hormonal changes, cravings and all crazy and weird things. She waits for the due date with her all. None anticipates bad news from that room, but many are the times when instead of tears of joy, its tears of sorrow. There are always these probabilities that the following will happen: Either the Mother will live and lose her baby; The baby lives and the mother dies; Both the mother and baby die: Or the best, when they both live.

I remember taking myself to the hospital in high spirits for I knew I was going to bring forth a life. After the first checkup, the doctor told me my blood pressure was too high. I had never had it before nor anyone in my family! When the signs of the baby coming were evident, I was rushed into the delivery room. Then came the pushing part! If you don't push at the right time the midwives ask you, you risk losing the baby and endangering your life as well. So I pushed and pushed but no, the baby wasn't coming out. I sunk into unconsciousness twice. Though the second time as I was now drifting from the world slowly and heading to wherever, something startled me!

"We are risking with this one. If she fails we rush her in the theatre"
'' Yes, she was a complicated case, that's why I brought her to you as I couldn't handle her"

Those were the words I heard from the midwives in the far away place I was drifting into! I couldn't bring myself to be conscious and I knew I was dying. My blood pressure had shot up and here I was: helpless. Then I remembered a Name that's above all other names, and I said "JESUS, please don't let me die." I immediately started calling on HIS name continuously and I could feel life coming back in me. In a few minutes, my baby was out and all the nurses were coming to congratulate me! They knew I wasn't going to make it but God's plan had come to pass!

This is what happens in our spiritual lives too. Just when we are about to birth our miracle, gift or breakthrough, the devil always shows up!

1Pet 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

The devil isn't after you, but what you carry in you and he will do anything to kill , steal and destroy it as that's his nature (John 10;10)  He attacks just when you see like everything is falling in place and you are expectant. These are the times when you can either stand up and fight or risk losing what you are carrying or losing your life as well. But whose report will you believe in when that friend you have trusted all along tells you that what you are planning will never work out? When that brother or sister, puts you down because of your vision? When everything seems to be working against you at the point you were so sure of a miracle or breakthrough?

Like in a delivery room, for you to birth out your miracle, you need a midwife: They come as mentors or spiritual parents. For they are the ones who will tell you whether you should push that miracle or breakthrough or whether to relax and breathe first. The moment you push at the wrong time, you risk losing what you are carrying and your life too.

We need to come to that point where we say like Job in Job 13:15 - That "Though HE slay me, yet will I trust in HIM". That no matter what the enemy is using, be it sickness, losing a loved one, breaking up with the one you love, losing your job,right when you are in the Spiritual delivery room, that you will be strong and speak what God said. HIS word never goes back to Him empty,but will accomplish what HE desires and achieves the purpose for which HE sent it (Isa 55:11) We only lose when we keep quiet and not speak to the situations we face. The tongue has the power of life and death (Prov 18:21)

May we be strong enough to not give up in the delivery room, speak HIS word and stand by what HE said in Isa 66:9 : Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the LORD: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God.

Shallom as you deliver what you carry in you!

LETTER TO BOAZ & KING DAVID

Dear Boaz,

You sure don't know me, but I know you so well; You are every girls' dream man. Fortunately or is it unfortunately? I am not in that crowd. Why, you may ask? Well, I don't go with the crowd sir! I just love doing me...having my own understanding of things sir.

You are that wealthy man, with a so tender heart, caring, loving and everything sweet and nice. Not like I wouldn't want that, oh no..I want that and much more! I know you are thinking that I am too demanding, but well, you got it wrong. You are too perfect for someone like me. I am a lady who has messed alot in life and it's by the Grace of God that I am where I am. So you may not really understand when I open up to you. Wait! You believe you can understand me, the same way you understood Ruth? Well, I may not dispute that..You were an outcast and I can't look down on that. But I also need to know your other weak points sir...Do you have them? You see, every lady has this picture of a perfect you and believe in that like a fairy tale.

I see life in colour..sometimes the hues are pale, and other times, everything is all bright. When I read about you, I fall in love with that man,a love that is only skin deep sir. That's why I choose to stay away from you, for I know I cant love you with every blood cell in me. But to those who do desire to have you, I give my blessings and I know they will have the best and you will enjoy your lives.

                                                                                        With Blessings

**************************************************************

Dear King David,

I can't fathom how many ladies run from you your majesty! You are the one who melts my heart and my knees too. From a shepherd boy to sitting on the throne, man you sure are the true description of rags to riches! The battles you faced in the wilderness that you had to kill wild animals with your bare hands, and who doesn't know the way you killed the biggest of them all,Goliath? 

You are one man who makes me appreciate the love of God and His tender mercies. You killed someones husband your majesty, just because of his wife! Who does that? I now understand why ladies are afraid of you. They believe you will cheat on them with another woman. I do believe you won't do that, but even with those weaknesses, you still remain my hero! You do realise your mistakes and repent of them without sugar coating them. Show me a man who does that, who puts his ego and pride aside and puts on sack clothes to ask for forgiveness. I believe you can truly understand me when I do wrong, and I will understand you too for we know we are not perfect but striving to be like Christ. What others have feared, that is what I go for. In your weaknesses, God strengthens you, and well you are just so real to me.

A worshipper is what you are. I have always desired to be a worshipper like you. They say, worshippers make the best lovers, for they don't hold back but open up their all as they do to God! Your majesty and the way you dance for God, oh my! Did I tell you I love dancing too? Well now you know, and I can imagine our home filled with praises to the Most High as we dance for Him. You won my heart oh king! The man after God's own heart!! Words that God Himself spoke! You see! They concentrated on your weaknesses and forgot that there is One who looks at the heart! 

Now Oh your highness, your majesty and king, I promise to stand with and by your side. No I wont feel ashamed of you when You worship God as you feel best, but I will join you! I know that to others it's foolishness, but the same way I dared to be with you and not with Boaz, is the same way I will be on your side when others try to put you down. You as the priest of our home, you will love me to submission. Honouring, respecting, loving, clinging and cleaving to you is why God brought me to you. 

Long live the king... My King!

                                                                              
                                                                                    The Kings' Queen.