THE PAIN OF LOSING A LOVED ONE

Me: Hello my favorite and best uncle in the world? (I loved telling him that)

Him: (Deep Laughter) My Darling, I’m fine, good to hear from you...

After some chit chat about how everyone was, I had to end the call...

Me: Love you!

Him: Love you too Darling!

Less than 2 weeks later, (17th May) on my way to work, I got a message that the man who I cherished so much was sick and in need of medical attention. Being on a motorbike, I said a short prayer and said to myself that I’ll call him once I reached the office. I did.

Me: Hello

Silence.

Me: Hello

Female voice: Hello, who’s this?

Me: I want to talk to my uncle!

Her: Who’s this?

Me: I’m one of his daughters in Kenya, and I want to talk to him! ( I was now running out of patience)

Her: Uncle has just died!

Me: What? NO! How? What happened? No! Let me call you back!

Just then my phone bleeps. It’s a text message from my brother. He’s Dead! That’s all it said! I get my phone and look for my uncle’s second number. I call it expecting to hear his voice from the other side.

Me: Hello. Uncle...

Female voice: He has just died. (she starts crying)

Me: Where is he? Is he at home or at the hospital?

Her: At home. The doc was on his way but couldn’t make it in time...

I hung up. I called my mum, she was speechless. Just then, my dad called me, and I burst out crying. He didn’t know what to do and just told me he’ll call me later. My phone was busy with incoming calls. It felt so unreal. Many relatives knew how close he and I were and they called to console and encourage me.  Bleep, bleep! Another text message! “He will be buried tomorrow!” Everything was moving so fast that I couldn’t think straight. Asked my boss for a compassionate leave and here I was in the house, parking my clothes, making seat reservations and doing everything else that comes with confusion.

The number of times I sobbed uncontrollably in the bus, the questions I asked him ...Why couldn’t he wait? Was he happy leaving me in this pain that seemed to tear me into tiny little pieces? Why didn’t he just go with me? Who would genuinely call me darling, sweetheart or his sunflower and mean it like he did? He was to walk me down the aisle, now why couldn't he just wait till we did? He always wanted to see  me preach and lead prayers, and I longed to see his face when he saw me do it, but why now? The pain was beyond my control! Notice I am saying him and not HIM. It was hard to question God our Creator in all this, but I felt Uncle could hear and answer me. In the bus, we all acted like we had it all together, we wanted to be strong for each other, but it was hard! 

Fast forward when we arrived at his place. People were all over and this time, he wasn’t there to hug and sweep me off my feet as he usually carried me! He wasn’t there to hold my hand and make me feel like the little girl he always made me feel like!  All I wanted was to get to him. Fast! Got to the door, and I saw him! I saw him laid down on a mattress; Him with cotton wool on his head and in his nose. I rushed to him, calling him all this time. "Uncle! Uncle!" But for the first time, he didn’t respond to my call! He didn’t laugh and hug me either, he lay there. I was torn! I was dying inside! The painful reality had set in! They tried telling me it was okay, but no, it wasn’t! They advised me to at least go outside abit, but no, I wanted to be with MY uncle.

I touched his hands for the last time.The hands that held me a few minutes after I was born, and always held me till now, were now cold! The man who believed in me more than anyone on this earth ever did, lay there like someone who was sound asleep. I wished I could just see his eyes move and prove to everyone that he was still alive! For a moment I thought I saw it happen! But I guess I was just fighting; fighting with nature!

We laid him to rest. Each day becomes harder but the Comforter is with us. For HE will never leave nor forsake us! Selah! I miss him; I tell myself he’s still alive and we’ll meet; but then a time comes when I realize we’ll only meet in paradise! The first person I’d want to meet in heaven!

Grieving is a process. It’s a day at a time thing; no rush about it. Sometimes I smile knowing he’s watching over me; while other times I sob knowing a part of me was taken away. One thing that I am always happy about, is the fact that while he lived, I made sure I told him how important he was in my life. I never ended a call without telling him how much I loved him and fortunately, that was the last thing we told each other!

Life is too short. Treat people right for you don’t know about tomorrow! It’s never guaranteed to anyone! Appreciate people when they’re still alive such that even when God takes them, you will be fulfilled that while they lived, you did the best you could for them. Sometimes we wait until that brother, sister, parent, fiancée, spouse or friend dies, then we remember the good things they did and regret the things we never did and run to post on social media where they can’t read.

Live as if today is your last day. Don’t take people that God brought your way for granted, for God had a reason of connecting you and not others. Appreciate people, Love people! I thank God that He put that heart in me, that by His Grace, I normally appreciate people in my life, be it through text messages, calls or gifts. The day I get to go, I will be glad that I let you all know that you were important and I thanked God for you! I will be glad that I did the best I could for the people around me; But if you go first, may I never regret for not telling you how much you meant to me.

And when that day comes, the day I breathe my last, these are the words I long to hear from my Master: 

 Matt 25:21: His Master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little;I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master.

 Shalom