BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST...

I know how it feels to love that person whose single room seems like a hall, but you fill it with your love. I know the joy and pain of seeing it transform to a home in a few months but be rejected by the would be mother-in-law due to your ethnicity.

But better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

I know how it feels to love the one who has it all going on for him, but feel empty inside most of the time. When money and gifts replace the person and the love; Some say love can be bought, but mine cannot be equated to any currency.  Then you realize that money cannot comfort or talk to you, and you choose to move on with normal life...

But still, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

I also know how it is to lack; when you have to go to cheap restaurants for your dates so you can save. When you have to share everything from food, transport and also airtime, just so you can both keep in touch; Only for you to have to go separate routes in this journey called life.

But better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Oh I know how it feels to love someone who doesn’t love you back. The one you strive to be there for in all circumstances but they don’t appreciate any of your efforts. When all they see are your wrongs, faults and flaws…

But then again, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Yes I know how it feels to be loved by the one who loves you like Christ loves the church. The one who loves you to death! The joy of having that one person who makes you understand why the rest never worked. Oh the joy…

                              

                                                  …To be continued…

GOD WORKS DIFFERENTLY

I grew up in an environment that was full of Asians and we would obviously play together. We would be invited to their functions and I actually love their food till now. One thing that stood out for me was the little girls with their nose rings! I so admired them while I was still in lower primary to an extent I told my mum how I wanted a nose piercing. Your guess is as good as the reality, because she told me how my nose would “grow big”, I would catch flu and hence wouldn’t be able to blow my nose, and all scary theories.  Her negative response made me stop thinking about it. Fast forward after college, I waited till I moved to my own house and well a day after my 25^th birthday; I went to have it pierced! When I put my mind to something, I rarely give up!

Little did I know that it would raise eyebrows within the church! “How can a born again lady who is in the praise and worship team pierce her nose?”, “Now will God even speak to you in that conference with your nose ring on?” another quipped as we were on our way to a conference! I almost answered but my friend gave me a look that casually told me to let it pass! 

See, God is no respecter of persons, because that conference happened to be the one that God used the visiting Man of God to confirm to me my calling and let me know what I was to do! My nose ring didn’t stop God in any way! I have even met those who ask if I’m from the Coastal regions or if I’m a Muslim just because of it, because a ‘born again’ lady shouldn’t put on such!

This makes me go back to Gen 24. The story about Isaac and Rebecca! The bible speaks how Abraham’s servant carried jewelry and even put it on Rebecca. So it’s not something that just start recently, the mother of Jacob (Israel) and Esau put on one! There are other instances in the bible which mention nose rings as well as you will see below; 

Gen 24:  ²² When the camels had finished drinking, the man took out a gold nose ring weighing a beka and two gold bracelets weighing ten shekels. (NIV)

³⁰ As soon as he had seen the nose ring, and the bracelets on his sister’s arms, and had heard Rebecca tell what the man said to her, he went out to the man and found him standing by the camels near the spring. (NIV)

⁴⁷ “I asked her, ‘Whose daughter are you?’

“She said, ‘The daughter of Bethuel son of Nahor, whom Milkah bore to him.’

“Then I put the ring in her nose and the bracelets on her arms,…

Isa 3:21 the signet rings and nose rings,... 

Eze 16:12  and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head.

So child of God, before you decide who God should speak to or use, before you write off that widow or divorcee, before you look down on someone, get to know the person and understand that our thoughts are not the thoughts of God, neither are His ways our ways! He chooses whom He pleases and uses the foolish things to confound the wise. (1Cor 1:27)

Shalom

WHO ARE YOU?

Where are you,

Who’s gonna share your life with me?

By the way, who are you?

I just want us to minister together,

Have our bible studies together,

Laugh together,

Cry together,

Travel together,

And just enjoy life together!

I miss you…

I need you…

I want you…

The missing puzzle in my life,

Where are you?

And by the way,

Who are you?

Trish

THE TORN HEART

I loved you…

No, not because of what you had;

Not because of things I’d heard!

I loved you for you!

Oh what a genuine love I had!

I cared about you…

No, not because I wanted something from you;

But because I wanted the best for you.

Just to see you okay.

Oh how I deeply cared!

I was so free with you…

No, not because I didn’t have others to open up to,

But because I trusted you.

The friend I could say anything to!

Oh how I felt safe with you!

I always wanted to be there for you…

No, not because I expected the same from you.

I wanted to be a good friend,

To stand with you,

Oh just to be there for you!

BUT…

My love was never enough for you.

My care meant nothing to you.

You kept shutting down my efforts to be there for you.

You became too cold and it froze my heart,

And a high wall you built between us.

You pushed me away.

Oh how you pushed my heart away!

DEDICATED TO YOU...

"Patricia, you are one sweet woman and I will respect you to my grave. I am not saying this to flatter you, or because of what we have in common, no, but I have never met a woman like you. The way you carry yourself… I will die thanking God for really you are an angel that God sent to me from heaven. You are God sent! I am so proud of you and I pray God gives you all the best things in this life.”

These are words that would melt most hearts. Words that a friend said to me some few weeks ago, as I stood there feeling so emotional and not knowing how to react. Words that I will always hold dear seeing they came from someone who I’ve known for the last 10years. They came straight from the heart and if I never believed other things, this I will always believe. 

You have stood by me in my good and bad times and I know I can always count on you. A friend who knows my flaws, things that tick me off and what makes me happy and you still choose to be my friend. I’ve cried and laughed the most with you, and we’ve always kept it real. We've shared even the little we had when one of us was down.

The person who’s great desire is to see me happy and get a man who’ll value me and treat me in the best way possible. I will always appreciate you and this here today, is just to honour and appreciate you for believing in me and always making me feel so so special. It was your birthday yesterday, so I want to wish you long life and God’s blessings A.D (aka My Kichaa)

From Your Angel here on earth!

MADE TO LOVE YOU FH

KD aka FH,

I remember saying to my friends how I want that someone who won’t just change my status, but be part of my destiny. You became that answered prayer.

I was made to love you!

To cherish you, treasure you, adore you and submit to you! Made to respect and to honor you as the priest of our home.

My hands,

To touch you and help you;

For a helper is what I am to you.

My arms,

To hold and support you,

when you need someone to be there for you.

My legs,

To stand and walk with you;

In the sweet journey of our life.

My time,

To spend with you forever;

For every second with you counts.

My lips,

To kiss you, speak great things upon your life and speak to nations; For greatness is ours.

My eyes,

To see what an awesome man God blessed me with and to behold the vision you and I have, coming to pass.

My ears,

To hear your sweet words, your corrections towards me and the powerful words God sent you to speak to nations.

My Body,

To belong to you and yours to be mine; 

And offer them to God as living sacrifices.

I remember every boyfriend,

Every heartbreak and every heartache;

They led me to you!

Brought me to you and made me better!
Better for you, better for us!

You just had to be part of my destiny and I in yours. Two souls, becoming one; Your rib, finding a home in my body; leaving our families to cleave to each other and start a new blessed generation. Royalty lies in you!

GOD'S WILL vs MY WILL

Have you ever felt like things are working as opposed to your prayers? Like God is actually answering you in a way you didn’t want? Be it financially, spiritually or even things to do with how you relate with people? Well, I have! In all those areas, but today I will deal with relationships. Many are the times I have prayed people away. Oh don’t give me that look! I am being real here. You know the prayers that go something like;

“Dear God, if so and so are not meant to be part of my life or will make me not fulfill my purpose or make me stagnate, please get ‘em out of my life in Jesus Name. As far as the east is from the west, just remove them. And if there were any feelings, Lord you give us the feelings so please remove them as well. Thank You Lord for doing it. Amen!”

 Some go as if they’ve been blown by the East wind and that’s it. You just don’t hear from them and life moves on like they never existed! This is the point I thank God and I get so excited because now there will be no time wasting, no delays and stagnation in regards to what I was called to do.

Then there are those who like an irritating flu, take time to go. They will still be part of you but then with time, the connection breaks and you only remember them once in a while. True, everyone has a role in your life but then, some people are not meant to go the whole nine yards with you. So when their role in your life ends, you adjust to the new casts, just like seasons do come and go.

Funny that there are some whom we believe are meant to be part of us so we never pray them away, but situations do push them away! You know the ones you are sure they’ll always be there for you, and to you they are the true definition of a friend, only for storms to come and they go with the storm? Such is life and God always finds a way to remove them from the next episodes of your life.

I am not done yet because this last lot is what makes me look to the heavens and ask God “Really God? Really?” You see, these are the ones you’ve been with for some time but it reaches a point and you feel like you’re the only one in the friendship, so you pull away and combine that with the prayer I mentioned earlier. You put a smile on your face knowing Daddy in Heaven has answered, only for Him to do something that will require you to connect with the said person! Like Jonah, you try get an excuse to run away; you remind God of the many vessels He has, so He can choose from the rest to pass the message; You tell yourself that it’s not pride but it’s about your destiny and God should understand! But No!  1Sam 15:22 rings in your head that Obedience is better than sacrifice! You do it and after you’re done, deep down you feel like God is asking you whether it has changed or taken anything away from you for simply obeying!

God made me understand this scenario using the story of Elijah! See, Elijah was a mighty prophet who could command the skies to hold and release rain and they oblige; he called fire from heaven, raised the dead but the day Jezebel attacked, Elijah asked God to kill him! God sent angels instead! You see, sometimes our prayers are not answered because they are not in the will of God! The rain and fire were in the will of God, but death wasn’t! We all know Elijah never tasted death in as much as he prayed for it. God had prepared an express chariot to heaven for him. That was God’s will for Elijah! So to relate my context of praying people away; Some will go because that was God’s will for your life, and the last lot, no matter how hard you pray them away yet it is God’s will to have them in your life for a reason best known to Him, you will be praying amiss and they will remain!

Child of God, will you obey and allow God’s will, or will you “fight” with His will because of  what you believe is best for you? Let’s choose to rest in Him and allow His will to prevail because after all, we can only be safe in Him. Yes, rest and let everything take its course according to His will.

Shalom

I NEED A FRIEND

I need a friend;

Who can tell me its okay and knows I’m not crazy for feeling how I feel.

I need a friend;

Who can sit with me on that hospital bench and assure me that the report isn’t right.

I need a friend;

Who can lend me their ears and give me a shoulder to lean on when I get overwhelmed.

I need a friend;

Who can just hold my hand and say nothing, yet our hearts are speaking.

I need a friend;

Who can hug my pain away and only leave when I feel alright.

I need a friend;

Who can stick with me despite of my shortcomings.

I need a friend;

Who has once cried so they understand what it is like to feel like you’re dead inside.

I need a friend;

Who can listen to me, even when my dreams seem like a fantasy.

I need a friend;

That can be there to correct me and be tough when they see me going astray.

I need a friend;

Who I can laugh with, even when things aren’t going right.

I need a friend;

Who believes in me and understands my craziness as well.

I need a friend;

Who also needs a friend... For I am ready to be that friend.

Cheers!

CHOOSE TO BE DIFFERENT

Life in Colour...Life as I see it. Today the hues are abit dark because of this world that we live in: A world where, when you show care, love, and concern or even offer a helping hand, people tend to think you want something in return! What happened to giving freely? What happened to no strings attached kind of help? Where is the kindness? What happened to friends being there for one another without expecting anything in return? What happened to lifting one another up? What happened to accepting people just as they are? Where is the love?

  1Thes 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up,just as in fact you are doing.

Long before I got born again, my desire was to be like King David. A true worshipper, a man (woman) after God’s owns heart and someone who knew when in the wrong and would go ask for forgiveness. That was my desire and God made me understand it’s not hard as long as I would yield to Him. It’s a daily process though, as I came to learn. How many people do you know of who are struggling with something in their life? How many things are you struggling with? How come we concentrate more on the weaknesses of others and forget our own? Pointing at the speck in their eyes while we have logs? Has God ever shown you mercy? Why don’t we believe that the same mercy flows to all His children and not just us?

One thing I’m grateful to God for, and I don’t take it for granted, is that He has helped me see beyond what people see about others; with time off course. Sometimes it’s hard as the people around me would want me to perceive things as they do, forgetting that my purpose and my mission on this earth is not theirs. God has worked a great deal in me in regards to that. People have hurt me badly but then God would ask me to forgive them and even ask me to do some stuff or even sacrifice some things for them! Some friends actually tell me how they wouldn’t help some people in their lives as I do; how they can’t sacrifice their time or resources to be there for people who once hurt them. See, it used to be so hard that I would cry buckets just so God could “let me be” and I would even tell Him how “unfair” He was to me. But all this never moved God! He wanted me to do His will and it was up to me to agree or He chooses another available vessel! He was shaping and molding me into what He created me to do! So I had to accept and fall in His arms!

How many friends have you lost just because you stood up for what you believe in? How many times have you called someone who people look down on and assured them that you believe in them, and you honestly did believe in them? What about the one who’s vision and dream was too huge but no one believed in them; Do you encourage them to press on because we serve a Mighty God who can make it come to pass, or do you make them feel like it’s just a mirage? What of the one who is being side lined for falling in sin or addictions; Do you condemn them or show them love? Do you follow the flow of the crowd or the flow of the Holy Spirit? Do you look at people’s physical doings and forget there’s a God who can use anyone despite of their flaws? The God of Rahab, Apostle Paul, King David, Jonah and your God (Jehovah), is still in the business of using anyone He pleases! Wouldn’t it be better if we looked deep into peoples’ spirits and find that gem that God put in them? Wouldn’t we win more souls if we accepted each other with our flaws and in what we are good at and work together? We are laborers in His vineyard but why do we behave like we are in our own vineyards, where we write off people and promote those we feel like?

Children of God, where there is unity God always commands a blessing. It would be great if we saw as God does and above all, before we criticize or put down someone, ask ourselves: Am I on God’s side or people’s side? Am I reflecting Christ or my own ideas? Am I ready to stand out and be different from the crowd even if it means walking alone in Christ? Am I willing to see like God sees? I choose to be different and I pray that that will be our prayer beloved.

Shalom

AWAY....

Away…Away from everyone

Away from everything around me.

Away to a far away land;

Where my mind will shut down;

The atmosphere be new;

And a new life begin.

Away from my thoughts,

Away from all who look up to me,

Away from myself!

Away … where my heart won’t feel

Where my soul won’t be in unrest,

But in a rest it so needs.

Away..Just away..

Where no one will find the way!

Away where I will be a memory;

A good one? A bad one?

Won’t matter then,

For I will be far away.

GOODBYE'S THE HARDEST THING TO SAY

You told me you won’t leave,

Held my hands tightly,

The look in your eyes told it all.

Interlocked in your embrace as our hearts started beating at the same rate,

Then I gently lay my head on your shoulder…

That longing look, but we didn’t surrender to passion,

No, atleast not then;

For we had each other for the rest of our lives.

You Promised to grow old with me,

To stand by me, to love me.

As I lifted my head to assure you of the same,

You silenced me with a kiss…

A kiss I will never have again.

Our love had primed,

The future was so bright.

Atleast you made me see it that way.

I stop and look back:

The silly jokes we made as we strolled the dirty streets.

Getting home to make our simple lovely dinners;

Having breakfast in bed with the most amazing person.

Sharing  icecream in the park as we sat on the swings,

The silly arguments that would make us mad at each other;

Then the forgiving, kissing and making up sweet moments!

Can’t forget the prayers we would make in our humble home.

I wished the best for you as you left that day,

Our usual I love you honey and a goodbye kiss.

And I whispered how I couldn’t wait to see you in the evening.

The naughty wink you gave me as you cupped my face and left,

And how I joked you should “call in sick” so we spend the day together.

Your text that you had reached and the virtual kisses made my day.

You were the missing puzzle in my life.

God really was in this..three cords..unbreakable!

As usual, you alerted me you were on your way home,

The message that always made me smile in the evenings.

Dinner was ready, everything was, and I waited.

Why weren’t you picking your phone nor replying my texts?

No I knew you so well my king so that was weird!

Then you called me…

But it wasn’t you honey?! Who stole your phone?

Alas! It was a stranger, a good Samaritan she said!

“Hello, just to alert you that there has been an accident...”

“A what? Where? Who are you?”

“I am from Red Cross and your husband has been involved…”

“Give him the phone!!Give it to him now!!” I cut short.

“Sorry, we have tried the best we could but unfortunately…”

I felt a cold shiver and my knees gave way.

This must have been a bad dream, a mistake!

No! Hell No!

But Honey, all I’m left with is memories,

Sweet memories tattooed in my heart.

What happened to our promises?

Why did you leave so soon? Why leave my world so cold?

Each day I sink in deeper in the same soil they put you in…

Each day a piece of me dies with you.

You always wanted me to be happy,

But I can’t without you…

I cherish each and every second we spent.

My love for you ...Your love for me…the best love story there was.

You never got to see the seed you left in me…

He is a little copy of you honey and reminds me of you daily.

I will let him know you were the best there ever was.

I miss you so much it hurts…these tears burn my cheeks all night.

Smile and fly with the angels.

Loved you, Love you and Forever will.

 Breaks my heart to say Goodbye :'(

CREATED TO DO GOOD

You may have been there for people in your life, but realize that they are not there for you as you would expect. That friend who shows up in your life only when they are broke; Then the other who remembers you only when their marriage is rocky so you can pray with them; Remember the one you prayed for their relationship and when things turned out well they never told you, only to show up when they hit a rough patch again and needed your advice? Then the other who in their lowest moment, you interceded for them and always sent a word of encouragement and when they overcame you became a ‘bother’ in their life? What about the ones you cared to know how they were but they cared less? Remember the one who woke you up at 3am because things weren't working out well in their lives and you had to stay awake for hours to encourage and pray with them? And when they got their breakthrough you ceased to exist? Then the other who was on the verge of their house being shut and you had to borrow money so you could bail them out but they are never there for you?

We have all had such moments in life. Today as I came from prayers, I thought about this and was asking God whether one should stop being overly concerned about people’s welfare and stop caring because it does hurt at some point. For what does one do when you are at your lowest and there’s no one there for you; The time you feel so lonely yet you have many friends? When you need to share with someone what you’re going through but they are all busy? Or when you need someone to care for you like you care about them and it’s not happening? That time, the Only one you turn to is Christ.

Prov 18:24 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, But there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother.(NIV)

Gal 6:9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. (NIV)

Luke 6:38 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."(NIV) 

Ps 118:8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans.(NIV)

Those verses came to my mind and I heard this in me and may it be yours as well:

“Put not your trust in men. Do not desist from doing good, for I the Father in heaven knows your heart. I made you that way, so don’t change because of people. I knew why I created you that way and I knew those times would come. I knew when it comes, you will run to Me for I sent you to comfort that soul, to encourage and to be of help. Wasn’t My son crucified yet He had friends? Didn’t He remain alone in the garden in agony? Didn’t the disciples scatter when He needed them most? Wasn’t He denied by those He cherished? But He stood up for ME and did what I sent Him to do. My child, be of good cheer, whatever you have sown, you will reap in good measure. You will be cared for, you will have people stand by you and show you care and love. Just as you showed others, a good measure will be poured into your bosom. I sent you, I will send them to you as well. Just be who I created you to be, hold on and I will do something new in your life. You are the apple of my eye, your pain is my pain, I see your tears, and I will wipe them. Keep standing for me and in due time, all this will be something of the past, for what I have in store for you, no eye has seen, no ear has heard. Keep on in me my child. Keep on.”

Child of God, continue doing good, God is smiling when you do, and in due time, you will understand why you had to go through some things. He’s got your back!

Shalom.